Saturday, August 18, 2007

Gin lane, redux

Britain's drug dealers over-whelmingly support a move to raise the legal age for buying alcohol to 21, an exclusive Foolish Interruption poll can reveal.

However, most of those questioned were less keen on moves to raise the price of alcohol, pointing out that while it might be good for business, they were partial to a beer themselves and didn't see why they should suffer because of the actions of a minority.

In a survey conducted around Brixton tube station and Cold Harbour Lane, nearly 81% of the local entrepreneurs questioned expressed support for removing a legitimate way for young people who are old enough to join the armed forces, drive and vote to get their jollies. Of those, nearly 73% said they were "very" or "fairly" keen to add legal sanctions on the competition. An additional 63% managed to keep a straight face when adding that they were very concerned that drink-fuelled violence caused by young people was one of the biggest problems affecting their neighbourhood.

A similar number, 67%, also responded postively to a suggestion that youngsters who drink too much be placed in care homes where they would be far easier to target. "We are businessmen," said one, who declined to be named. "Kids in care are our focus group. It's important to know your market."

In a similar survey of police officers, 46% said: "Don't be so cynical, Dornan. America is a much less violent society (except for, well, you know). But that's a different matter,"; 33% were too busy trying to link cheap cider to the latest spate of shootings and 21% said: "When dealing with a number of complex social phenomena in which a culture of aggression, loosening social and familial ties, diminishing education standards and the complex nexus between growing economic inequality and rampant materialism – to say nothing of an historic predisposition towards drink-fuelled rowdiness – all need to be considered, scape-goating one lesser aspect of the problem for the sake of trite, simplistic newspaper headlines which appeal to the middle classes who do not experience the worst aspects of these problems is unhelpful and quite possibly counter-productive. Now if you could just launch an irrelevant rant about speeding tickets it would be far easier to dismiss all you've said out of hand."



Blogger Glamourpuss said...

Love the title of this post - conjures up images of Marlon Brando as Hogarth.


9:59 am  

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