My dignity vanished as the spicy sauce dripped onto my trousers

Britain: a nation of drunks who are too fond of internet filth, according to one or other of the guide books that always says something that offends people whose self image is so fragile than any criticism of their country upsets them. I'm firmly in the 'what's wrong with that?' camp on this topic.

But the book also says we're too taken with celebrity culture. I concede that point. Look at some so-called serious websites, HP, Norm, Shuggy, it's all Hitchens this, Fisk that. There's no escape from these people, they've even got their own fan sites. I blame television, myself.

It's bad timing for Dave Hill, who's started a tour round Britain to see if he can capture the mood of the nation. Personally, I think it's like trying to capture the nature of love, but good luck to him.

Incidentally, it does occur me that there might be good reading to be had from someone touring the country looking for love. I wonder if, cough, any blogger is sad or desperate enough to do that. Not for me of course, fretting about being single is best left to girls. There's all that booze and internet smut out there for us chaps, see.